to be...or not to be?

Hey hey everybody, so good to be back again...how I’ve missed y’all. Eish I won’t even begin to explain why I’ve been MIA and what’s been happening all these months but...yeah..feels so good to be back

-->

I’ve been thinking about lots of things I wanna share with you all the while though. One of the things that come to mind is choices...to be or not to be! Every single day we make choices that determine how our lives turn out. We are choosing who we want to be on a daily base. It’s actually kinda freaky to know that we are shaping our lives as we speak. The words we choose to use when we are describing ourselves shape who we are...I guess that’s why they say, don’t speak negativity over your life otherwise you will live a miserable life. You hear things like you reap what you sow...meaning the decisions you make will determine how well your life turns out. It is important to make good choices so let’s talk about how we could improve our decision making skills.

Have you noticed how we sometimes do not want to make a decision because we fear being blamed for having chosen the wrong thing should something bad happen? Taking responsibility sometimes seems daunting but we can’t just take the back seat and hope our lives go in the right direction. Life is what you make of it so you have to step up and decide how you will live yours.

First things first, don’t view yourself as an indecisive person. Some of us tend to get a lot more confused than others. At times we are torn as to what to do and when person A tells us what they think we ought to do we are like, "great, that’s what I’ll do". Then person B comes along and says oh that is crazy you should do such and such instead...then confusion arises. I have realized that usually when we are so confused as to what to do and keep going back and forth between choices, it’s because in that situation we’re not sure of ourselves or are afraid of what those who are important to us might think...simply put we’ll be being afraid to be decisive. Next time you find yourself in such a situation, look at it this way; those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Once you get rid of indecisiveness, learn to make independent decisions. Just because your best friend is doing one thing doesn’t mean you have to do that too. It is great to seek advice from close friends and family and we must for no man is an island. However, sometimes we have to choose differently from what everybody else around us is doing. This may make you feel out of place and sometimes your friends may even think you have lost your mind but if you believe that’s what’s right for you, then stand for it and do it. After all, we may be very similar to those around us but we are not the same person so at times our choices will differ and that’s alright.

Beware of emotions - Emotions are great and we ought to consider how we feel about certain things. It is important though to keep them in check for if not monitored, they could lead to our destruction. Always try and see the facts first. Example, is say you are not happy in your job, the thought of spending another week there depresses you. If you make an emotional decision and just quit your job you could find yourself unable to pay rent, or put food on the table for a few months. It would be wise to tell yourself that yes I do hate my job but fact is I will probably be able to get another job in 3months. Until then I will stick it out so that the transition to a different job/business will not be stressful financially. Am I saying totally disregard how you feel...NO... but weigh in the facts and make a sound decision.

Follow your instincts - How many times do you hear people saying, “Oh you know I had this feeling I was not supposed to do that but I did it anyway and now look where it got me”. Instincts are very important and should not be ignored. Develop logic and all sorts of decision making skills but learn to follow your gut. Almost every success story mentions how one followed their instincts and that’s what got them through...so do the math.

Weigh your options and prioritize - Write down pros and cons. It will really help you to see what the positive and negative sides to a particular decision are. Once that’s done, prioritize. Set your priorities right. Remember the good old important vs. urgent quadrants. Beware of wasting time prioritizing things that may seem urgent yet in actual fact they are not at all important. These are the things that don’t really matter but take up a lot of your time.

Take your time. You know sometimes we put ourselves under pressure when there really is no pressure. Society might generally do things in one way but that doesn’t mean that’s the only way it should be done. Don’t rush into things because you feel pressured to get into it something. Lots of examples of this one, been talking to a number of ladies lately who are like, "oh my word I’m 27 and time is running out for me to meet the one and you know everyone from my university is getting married and have babies and I got nothing... oh my I guess I should just date guy X coz even though I believe he is not my type he ain’t that bad and he’ll change with time you know"....Um NO he won’t and you are settling for way less than you are worth. You time is coming, just be patient and in time all things will work out well for you. You know what they say, all good things come to those who wait...ain’t it true Miss Zinoro?LOL! The same goes for jobs, business ventures you name it...in time, it will all come together...God will not pass you by...in the fullness of time His promises to you will be fulfilled so just hang in there a little while longer.

It can really be difficult to make good choices especially if you have a past of making bad decisions. Sometimes you know you need to change and start doing things in a different way. You really badly want to but somehow you find yourself doing the same old things again and again. Then you feel guilty and like you a failure and can never do anything right. I heard a saying that has been encouraging me to see some of my old habits die and it goes like...What you feed grows and what you starve eventually dies. So friend, what are you feeding, and what are you starving?

Prayer changes things - Ask God to help you to make the right choices in life. It says that the Holy Spirit will walk with us everywhere we go if we invite Him in. He is our Counselor. God speaks to us and He wants our lives to go in a particular direction. How will you know which choices to make to get to what God has in store for you if you don’t ask Him to show you? He will not only help you make good choices, He will give you the strength to see them through and to stand for what you believe in.

Be Blessed,

with love...tafie

when motivation runs out

I don’t know about you but I sometimes find it very difficult to maintain the same level of momentum when working on something. I start off really inspired and pumped and somewhere along the line I may find myself in a rut or struggling to get past a certain step. So I started wondering how can I get myself to stay motivated and on track. I just want to share with you some of the things that I found and I hope these will inspire you too to stay motivated and working hard towards your dreams.

First things first, you gotta remember why you are doing what you are doing. Always remind yourself of the reason behind your goal. If you forget why you are working towards something, you will not be motivated enough to see it through. There was a good reason why you set that particular goal, constantly remind yourself of it so you remain encouraged to see it through.

Make It Fun: Get excited about your goal. Find fun ways of achieving it. Break routine and do things differently. For example if you work through things better with some music in the background, do that. If writing out your plan on a white board makes it more fun for you then be sure to incorporate that. Make the process fun and you will find that you can actually achieve more.

Try A Different Approach: Maybe you are in a rut because you have been trying to do things in a certain way which hasn’t worked well for you. Why don’t you try a different approach? See things from another perspective. They say there is more than one way to skin a cat. So say your aim is to keep fit and you have committed to jogging every morning and somehow that just doesn’t work for you...why don’t you try other forms of exercise like swimming or going to the gym or get a jogging partner so you can keep each other motivated. So the goal stays the same but the approach differs. Don’t be a rigid person, set in your old ways...try new things they could work way better than what you are used to.

Set Achievable Milestones: If you have no achievable milestones you are bound to feel very overwhelmed. So while it is very important to have your ultimate goal in mind, set smaller goals that you can work on either weekly or monthly or quarterly and so on. This will help you stay in control. An example is say you want to save R12 000 to purchase a car...LOL... don’t I wish cars where that cheap...but yeah, say you need that much to buy a car. Now looking at that amount as a whole may get you thinking, “how would I ever achieve that?” and you could get really overwhelmed. However if you break it down to say, I will save a R1000 every month for the next 12months...now that sounds a lot more manageable because you have set easier goals that will in the end achieve your ultimate dream of saving R12 000.

Have A Reward System: Reward yourself...if you deserve it that is. After you achieve certain milestones give yourself a reward for you have done a good job. Rewarding doesn’t necessarily mean getting big things like shopping for shoes or buying a car. It can also be small things like taking a break or going to watch a movie. When you know that you can reward yourself for all the hard work you put in, you will be motivated to get the work done, and get it done quickly.

Post It: Write your goals down and post them on a wall where you can see them every day. There is something about writing things down, it says I’m serious about this and will do what I can to make sure I achieve it. It reminds you of what you intend to do and this could just be the inspiration you need. If you see it up on your wall every day, it will stay on your mind and you will be encouraged to keep doing something about it.

Have Someone Hold You Accountable: Tell someone, a friend, a business partner or whoever you trust...tell them about what you are doing and ask them to keep you in check. They are not there to baby sit you, they are there to just check on you at certain times. They don’t even need to know all the nitty gritty details of what you are doing...they are there to keep you accountable. Having them around means you sort of have someone to tell of your progress and you wouldn’t want to tell them you have just been bumming around all month long...you want them to know that you have done this and gotten that and gone there, all so as to achieve your goal.

Fight Negativity: Maybe you keep thinking can I really pull this off, or who am I kidding people from my family don’t achieve such things, or I can’t get this done. You have to fight negativity. Fight it! You can make it. Start to think positively. Tell yourself positive things and believe them because they are true. Don’t listen to people who do nothing but criticize you and tell you that you could never go through with it. If you are going to achieve anything in your life you are going to have to realize that people will always talk but that’s all they do...talk...they don’t do anything themselves they just pull others down. So start to bring into your life people that speak positivity, people that encourage you, and people that challenge you to be better. Always remind yourself that you are capable and that you will make it...because I tell you friend, if you do not believe it yourself, how then can you achieve it?

Shift Focus: The human mind tends to concentrate more on the difficulties of life and why one cannot achieve certain things. You have to shift your focus from difficulties to benefits. Stop looking at reasons why you possibly won’t make it, and look at what benefits you can achieve. This is not to say don’t be realistic, but find ways to overcome and have something to look forward to. This is not an easy task, you have to train your mind, and you have to make a conscious decision to see things differently. If you train your mind long enough, seeing past difficulties will eventually come naturally to you.

Find Inspiration: My pastor always says you can never have too much encouragement. I have never heard anyone say, if you inspire me one more time, I will blow your brains out....LOL. You honestly can never be ‘over encouraged’. Always find more inspiration...read inspirational books and blogs, read up on people who have done what you are trying to do to see how they stayed motivated, get inspirational quotes, speak to people who are encouraging, hang out with those who discuss ideas and motivate each other. This will help you to not only stay inspired but to also inspire those around you.

Pray Always: Involve your Heavenly Father in all that you do especially when you feel like giving up. He did give you those dreams you so badly want to achieve. Ask Him how you should go about it. He will lead you, direct your footsteps and challenge you to better yourself. His word is full of inspirational stories of how time and time again He comes through for His children. There are many verses that can keep you on an inspirational high for days on end. Be sure to spend time with Him so that you can share everything you are going through with Him and also listen to Him so you know where He wants you to go. He will see you through it, that’s for certain.

Be Blessed,

with love...tafie

honour your mother and father

Was thinking today... being from Zim and all...that many of us are so far away from home and we miss out on hanging out with our parents as often as we should. We can’t catch a quick coffee with mom or go for a drive with dad, share a laugh with them about small random things, or just go home to them after a hard day at work. We see our parents once or twice a year and it’s really sad. I was just thinking of how much our parents have sacrificed not just financially but emotionally as well to let us go off so far away from home so that we may live a better life than they are living back at home. How loving are they?

Most of our parents have never even been to the countries we have been to but they just trust that wherever we go we live fulfilled lives. They put us first before their own needs, making sure we are catered for and don’t want for anything. I feel overwhelmed when I think that I am here today because of the sacrifices my mom made for me. They may sacrifice money but most importantly they sacrifice time with us...they have missed most of our young adult life so that we could go off to universities to get decent education.

So this is to honour all parents especially those in Zimbabwe who miss their children so much and wish they could give them a hug or share a laugh with them or tell them to shut up and go to their room...LOL. Thank you for your love and sacrifices. May God bless you abundantly, pressed down, shaken together and overflowing!

If you one of the children who are far away from home why don’t you give your parents a call today, have a chat with them, share a laugh with them, tell them you love them and are grateful for all that they have sacrificed for you. I’mna go off and call my mama!

Be Blessed,

with love...tafie

you are your own biggest critic

Hello everybody...here’s hoping that you are well and have been taking good care of yourselves. This past weekend I was watching a show called ‘How to look good naked’. I had never watched this show before and I thought I’d give it a try. In a nutshell, it’s a show that helps women feel more confident about their bodies, and teach them how to dress for their body shape. In the beginning of the show these women would look at their bodies and say “this part is too big, this is ugly, this does not look good”...they seriously could not see anything about their bodies that was lovely. What I realized as I watched this was that we are our own biggest critics. We focus and obsess so very much about what we cannot get right, the parts of our bodies we feel are ugly, the things we are bad at...we over analyze ourselves to the point where we cannot see all the lovely things we do. Let’s talk about how we can get out of that mentality and start to see ourselves in a positive light.

No one is perfect: I don’t know who told mankind that we had to be perfect. Whoever did that was a very very cruel person I tell you because they have caused such misery to the world. How would we ever learn to grow if everything was so perfect? If you always so obsessed about being perfect, you will miss out on the fun in doing things and you will tend to be rigid and on edge because you want to control every little thing. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying do not put in effort in what you do, or stop aiming for quality and excellence...I am saying while you aim for the highest qualities, leave room for growth. Be flexible and accommodating. Learn to make new mistakes because that means you are trying out different things.

Don’t put yourself down: Don’t walk around feeling inferior to others. Walk around thinking you too are as capable as others are. Carry yourself with confidence.

Take compliments graciously: Say someone says to you ‘oh you are so beautiful’ and you reply ‘thanks but I really hate my nose I think it’s too big, look at it, isn't it such a big nose? I really wish I could get it reshaped’. Don’t do that. Take the complement and focus on the fact that you are beautiful and stop paying too much attention on your faults.

Hang around people who make you feel good and inspire you to be a better you. Comments that some people make can make you feel really small inside or you feel a lot of pressure to be someone you are not around certain people. Try by all means to avoid negative people because they don't do anything to help you feel more confident. Don’t take everything that people say to you as though its true. Sometimes people speak out of anger or they have their own issues and may say things that hurt you. Do not take that to be true. Just tell yourself, “wow they have their own issues and they wanna take everybody down with them”.

Have principles: Have your own principles and live by them. If we were all meant to think and act the same then only one person would have been created. We are different, and you need to know yourself better - what you like and what you don’t enjoy. It’s okay to be different. Set your own principles and stick to them. If you don’t, you will just blow with the wind. If you don’t have anything you believe in then you have nothing. You will go by what other people believe and this causes you to not have any confidence in who you are.

Discover your strengths: Everybody is good at something. Focusing on your strengths gives you confidence. If you spend time doing things that you are not good at, you will feel like there is nothing that you can do right. Take time to find out what your strengths are and sell that. This is not to say you should be totally oblivious of your weaknesses, know your weaknesses so that you can make an effort to improve them but don’t use them to make you feel like you are not good enough.

Be positive. Think positive. Speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.

Educate yourself and be prepared: The internet is so great for information. I love it! You no longer have to act dumb. Whatever you want to know about, Google it. Sport, music, history you name it...its all there...don't you just love that? Educate yourself on all sorts of topics and know the current affairs, it helps for small talk when you meet new people. If you are giving a presentation of some sort, prepare well for it. When you are prepared you feel confident because you have the knowledge.

Lastly, start liking yourself. There is only one you so you had better start liking yourself because that’s all you got. Take time to discover who you are and love yourself. If you can spend so much time criticizing yourself, you can definitely switch your focus to spending as much time encouraging and thinking positively about who you are.

Be Blessed,

with love...tafie

it never rains...it pours!!

I have missed y’all...what a month it’s been! So much to talk about...I was thinking last night about the statement it never rains, it pours!! When things seem to go bad, they just seem to all go bad at the same time. It is so easy at this time to feel like the world is against you or that luck is against you or that you are doomed to fail or that the Lord has forsaken you and a whole lot of other unpleasant feelings that may arise when you are going through a hard time. It may help to look at things from a different perspective when all hell seems to be breaking loose.

Do not look at a series of bad events as if they are joint events... yes I did just pull up some probability phrases...LOL!...how I miss maths!! Anyway do not link up all bad events as if they are related because this will definitely make you feel like a victim. For example, say you are struggling to get a job, you are constantly broke, your mother falls sick, a close friend doesn’t come through when you need them the most, and your car breaks down all in a short space of time. Now here is what the normal human mind will think...”Oh my God my life is falling apart, I’m unemployed which means I’m constantly broke and now my mom is ill and my friends are not there when I need them the most and now from nowhere my car breaks down and I have to pay for it to get fixed such unexpected expenses, I have such bad luck and nothing I try seems to be working”. This will usually make it hard for you to get out of bed and try again. Instead look at every unfortunate event as just that an independent unfortunate event and deal with it as such. The fact that your girlfriend is cheating doesn’t make your car break down; do not look at these as if they depend on each other. Learn to deal with each situation without getting emotional about everything else that may not be going well in your life. This will help you to not have an emotional breakdown.

Now I realise that the point I just made is very difficult to put to practise because it is natural to feel overwhelmed. It takes effort to think positively. I suggest you get into the habit of seeing the silver lining in every dark cloud. A good friend of mine always asks me what the silver lining is when i am going through a tough time. She encourages me to look at what is right with the picture no matter how small. Try it; it really helps to keep you focused.

Self pity easily arises when one is stressed. You look at yourself and think my word how is one person supposed to handle all these issues and you start to feel sorry for yourself. Emotions are great and we need them but sometimes if we do not keep them in check they can make situations worse than they are. They can easily take you from being in control of a situation to a situation being in control of you so you need to watch out. The fact that someone isn’t there for you doesn’t mean that you are not good enough, it means that that person has a problem, the fact that your car broke down doesn’t mean you are not blessed, it means that cars are gadgets and sometimes their parts fall apart.

Praise silences the enemy. I remember a priest who preached to us a sometime ago said that we should always praise the Lord in all situations especially when we do not feel like it. When you praise God especially in difficult situations you silence the enemy who is there to make you feel like you are not good enough, like things will never work out for you, like you are a failure, like you are forsaken...praise is a declaration of your faith, it is an exaltation of God, it is worship. The Lord loves you that is a fact, He works all things for the good of those He loves, that’s a fact...challenges will be there that’s a fact but it does not mean that the Lord will not be with you or that He will forsake you.

Hang in there a little while longer, things will begin to look up you will see!

Be Blessed

with love...tafie