choose happiness

I think winter is fast approaching and I am starting to get depressed because I love cape town summers they are so fabulous and the winter sucks coz it does not go away! I still remember that I wore woolen clothing in October last year :( ...the trauma! I hope this year will be different.

Anyway I hope y’all are had a great weekend. Was chatting with a friend the other day and they were telling me about how a guy who is interested in them was saying that they hope to make her happy. To this she told the guy that he cannot make her happy but that he can only complement happiness which is already there...ya she is deep like that...lol! This got me thinking, happiness must be a choice...if it is then I choose happiness.

How come some of us can never seem to be happy though? Something is always in the way of true joy and we seem to be waiting for certain events to take place so that we can be happy. We tell ourselves I’ll be happy when I get that job, I’ll be happy when I date that person or I’ll be happy when such a thing happens and so the story goes.

Here’s what I noticed: The way you live your life can determine whether or not you are happy. You can choose to always look at what is going wrong in your life and complain about how you don’t have this and that. This will surely get you down because usually when you look at how you haven’t done what you wish to do you’ll notice how long a way you have to go. We were having a discussion with another friend about how we don’t have the couches that we really would love to have and how long we think it will take to have our dream cars and how some of our peers seem to be doing so much better than us and how they have gone here and there and their lives just seem to be going on so well and we seem to be stuck in the same routine and blah blah blah....and then it hit me! The biggest source of unhappiness; comparing yourself to other people! This is the sure way to get depressed because you can count a million people who seem to be doing better than you are.

Another source of unhappiness is guilt. Guilt strips you of your joy. You haven’t forgiven yourself for something that you did a while ago and it eats away at you every day. Smile friend, God has already forgiven you and all you need to do now is forgive yourself and move on. If you make a mistake, take the lesson you get from it and move on. Dwelling on it doesn’t do anybody any good. To err is human so there - dust yourself off and try again.

Greed and jealousy also make you unhappy. Wanting everything or wanting what other people have is a recipe for disaster. It makes you ungrateful and dissatisfied with who you are. You fail to realize the progress you are making because you so busy envying other people. You also fail to be happy for others when they do well. You have heard of those people who never rejoice when someone other than themselves do well...yeah they are also called HATERS! Greed and jealousy are the root of selfishness.

It doesn’t have to be like that though. You can turn your life around and start to enjoy it. Here’s how you can achieve this:

All that glitters is not gold - Stop comparing yourself to other people. You will never ever be somebody else so you had better start liking yourself because fortunately/unfortunately that is all you got. Most times you don’t really know what somebody else is battling with because people generally walk out their houses and put on a great smile despite what issues they may be going through. If people’s problems were stamped on their foreheads you would be surprised at how blessed you are to be you. You would also be relieved that you are not going through some situations that the people you envy are going through. Someone’s life may seem like it’s on track but in actual fact they may be unhappier than you are...so like yourself...no don’t like yourself...LOVE yourself and direct your efforts towards making yourself better.

Laugh at yourself - Forgive yourself when you make mistakes and move on. Yeah I know you do get those people though who will never make you forget what you did in 1999...lol. If memory was a person, they would be it! They are always ready to tell everybody what you did. Don’t mind them. Take whatever they say lightly, actually laugh at yourself; beat them at their own game and tell the story yourself, say you would never believe what I once did....

Do the things that make you happy - take time to indulge yourself in the things that make you happy, whether its reading a book, going to the beach, singing in the shower even if people say your voice is not the best...who cares...it brings you joy so you go ahead and do it...keep it within the legal limits though...lol. You’ll realize that the less self conscious you become, the less you worry about what people will say about you, the more you will do what makes you happy.

Have a great attitude - Your attitude towards your life is everything. Tell yourself I am not going to let other people bring me down. You will find that when you have a great attitude not that many things will faze you and people will treat you differently. Give out great energy and you will attract positive energy back. If you are always grumpy, tense and on edge so many things will frustrate you, you’ll be pissed off at the fact that the till operator did not smile at you and yet if you had a great attitude you would have smiled at them first and helped make their busy day a better day.

Don’t dwell on the minors - Don’t be petty. Dwelling on the petty issues gives you nothing but stress. Be a flexible person who can appreciate that people will do things differently from the way you do things. If it works out just fine, great...don’t dwell on unimportant issues. I recently heard about a party where the host asked people to come with their own glasses because they didn’t want to clean up afterward...seriously?! I was like damn! That’s a nyowani (new one). How are your guests supposed to enjoy themselves if they are afraid of littering your place?

Surround yourself with positive minded people - We probably all know that person who does not have anything good to say about anything or anyone...yeah you guessed right they are also known as a HATER! Talking to them is the most draining thing ever because all that comes out of their mouth is negativity and more negativity. Stay away from people who pull you down and drain you of all energy. Be around those who have a positive outlook on life, they are mostly easy going and know how to have a good time. If the hater is your husband, your sister, or someone who by circumstance you can’t physically get away from then eish...you are screwed!...lol just playing you are not..there is something that you can do but this will be covered in a topic of its own so stay tuned!

Give - I don’t know of a single person who does not feel good when they give to others. Giving doesn’t necessarily mean money, you can give time, take time to help someone with a problem. You can give complements...tell someone how great they are, or how well dressed they are. You can smile at someone and it could change their day. Don’t always think about what people can do for you, think of what you can do for somebody else. Be a giver, it will definitely bring you joy.

Be blessed and be happy

with love...tafie