keep the fire burning

This past weekend I went on a little information hunt from a couple of friends, some of which are amazing couples themselves, on what to do when you have been in a relationship for a little while and the honey moon phase has passed. You love the other person and that’s where you wanna be, you have no doubt about that but things have just become routine, the arguments are creeping in and no one seems to be trying anymore. Here are some things to consider to help you keep the fire burning.

Don’t take each other for granted: The first thing that one of the guys said that caught my attention because I felt it really set the tone for everything is that you should never take your partner for granted. I took the liberty to look up what take for granted really means and it stated - to not show that you are grateful to someone for helping you or that you are happy they are with you, often because they have helped you or been with you so often. It is human to get comfortable and know that those who love you will always be there and so you may stop showing them that you really care. Don’t get into that habit, always appreciate who you have.

Don’t be selfish: the reason why we sometimes take people for granted is because we always think of ourselves first. It’s very easy to be selfish, Don't always look at what you should be getting out of a relationship as opposed to what you can give. You have to fight selfishness. It doesn’t go away on its own, make the effort to stop it. Be a positive role model yourself because people do as you do...if you are a giver, you can inspire someone else to act like you do.

Always seek to understand your partner: Sometimes we don’t understand why people act in a particular way. Just because your partner did something different doesn’t mean that it is wrong. We are individuals which means we are going to differ in certain things. Instead of shutting them down and claiming they should do things your way, ask them how they see the situation or how they think a particular problem can be solved. It is not always about you. Learn to be there for someone else.

Be interested: Have a real interest in the things that your partner does. It is all part and parcel of knowing each other better. I’ll use a simple example, just because you do not like soccer does not mean that he doesn’t have to watch it. Maybe you do not like it because you don’t understand it. The next time your man wants to watch the game, try watch it together, have him explain to you what will be happening, and say he supports Arsenal (which is like the best team ever!!!), maybe try support Liverpool so that you can joke around about how the other team is whack and how your team is the best. You may discover that it is so much fun. The same goes for many other things, be keen and make an effort to understand the things that your partner is into.

Don’t sweat the small stuff: Don’t make a big deal out of small things. Is it really necessary that you warm the milk before you put in the cereal, or you put the cold milk and cereal then microwave that together – who cares, the result is the same. If an issue is not worth stressing about, don’t stress it. Make light of small things. Let your partner be even in little things. If she likes to colour coordinate your closet, it is not a big deal, let her do it. If he likes to get the car washed at SpotyWash instead of the garage down the road...let him.

Reciprocate the good: If your partner is good at say...making you laugh when you are really stressed so that you feel better, do the same for them. Now you don’t have to tell a joke because maybe you are not funny hahahaha just playing, but you get what I mean. Do something that will make them feel good about themselves.

Break routine: Have days in the week that you do something different and take turns to pick what it is. Pick a new restaurant to check out, try make a different type of food. Go dancing, go fishing...and and and...whatever you works for you. Because it’s human to get bored after doing the same sort of things for a while, make changes or try something new so that you can keep things interesting.

Love - the verb: It’s not every day that you feel on top of the world, sometimes you have a bad day or are in a bad mood. That is no excuse to be rude, or mean to your partner. You have to make a conscious effort to snap out of that. When you feel like that, love your partner. By this I mean love the verb and not the noun, so affirm your partner, complement them, make them dinner, run them a bath, and all those good things; the more you show acts of love, the more you actually love.

Speak well of your partner: Say something great about them. People always wait for special occasions to say good things about others....or at someone’s funeral - they suddenly have all these nice things to say about them. Don’t be like that. When there is an opportunity to say something good about someone, take it right there and then. Always say something your partner does well not just to your friends but tell it to them. For example say to them, I really admire the way you work hard at what you do, you are so intelligent and patient, you are so diligent and that inspires me, you always look so good, you have such integrity, you gave such an amazing speech I was just sitting in the crowd feeling so proud and saying that’s my man people that’s my man..... the list is endless. There is no better way to encourage someone than to tell them in person what their strengths are.

Support and let your partner be: Don’t suppress each other’s destiny/dreams. Encourage each other to come into your full potential. Support each other in the things you do together and separately. There is no better feeling when you are trying to achieve certain goals than to know that those you love the most are behind you and think the world of you. Your best friend can encourage you, people from work can tell say you got what it takes to do anything but there is just something about your significant other telling you that you can make it and that they are behind you all the way. That just really gets you inspired to make your dreams come true. So be that for your partner.

Count your blessings and pray: Count your blessings especially when you feel like complaining. Realize what you have and appreciate it. Pray always. We often pray for jobs and financial break throughs but we sometimes neglect to pray for our relationships yet they affect most of the things we do. Pray always that God goes before you in everything you do and in challenges you face. Pray that your relationship and your partner will be blessed.

Be Blessed

with love...tafie