don't be that

I was thinking over the past few weeks that the human mind can really get accustomed to anything. If you are put in a tiny little box and told to live there and eat once every 2days you could pull it off. In the beginning you may hate it but you will start getting used to it and may eventually like being in your little box. You could tell yourself that it’s better in the box because you get a lot of ‘me time’ and you get to ‘stay away from haters’. You can convince yourself that the box is what you deserve and when someone offers you a stale slice of bread you cannot believe it. It blows your mind because you have gotten accustomed to having nothing that anything you are offered no matter how crappy it is seems like the best gift ever. This is a very dangerous mentality to have. This is accepting every situation and every word spoken to you as though it is true. A habit a lot of us suffer from and we need to cut it out. This post is going to discuss how we can learn to not be defined by the world, how to not accept lies as though they are truth but to define ourselves in positive way in line with how God sees us.
Get this - not everything that people say about you or how they perceive you is true. If growing up you felt like you not special and there’s nothing you can do. You couldn’t be farther from the truth. At times there are a lot of nay sayers in your life who do not believe you are capable of doing what you desire in your heart to do. You can choose to believe what they say and not try or you can chose to not accept that. Don’t be what they say you are. Don’t be that! In the same that you focus on the negative things spoken about you, why not choose to concentrate on the positive. Just don’t accept every word spoken against you and every bad situation thrown your way as the way you should be. Refuse to believe that you will not overcome, choose to believe that your situation will get better and that you will make it no matter how daunting it may all seem.
Here’s why you need to believe the best - when you are full of negativity and doubt and fear that is all you will be...negative, doubtful and fearful. That’s what you will sow and that’s what you will reap...more negativity, more doubt and more fear. Fear keeps you away from accomplishing anything. It tells you that you are not good enough, tells you that you do not deserve any better, it asks you who do you think you are, you really think you can pull this off, c’mon be real you not that special, you don’t have what it takes, you not that talented, and...(insert anything else that fear has been telling you here). See yourself as an achiever, as an over comer, as a conqueror because only when you start believing that you are capable will you move into what your life’s purpose is.
You are not your thoughts - It is very important that you realise you are not your thoughts. A million thoughts can cross your mind everyday but you are not them. You are the one questioning those thoughts and you can choose to ignore them or push them to the back of your mind especially when they do not serve you well. Here’s an example: Going to the gym. Good for you, good for the body but a habit that is hard for a lot of people to maintain. Say you get up and do not feel like exercising because you are too warm in your covers, a number of thoughts and feelings will go through your head. You may think “Oh it’s just one day, I surely can miss one session, plus the gym is boring anyway with all those skinny people cycling away on those bikes...what are they trying to prove? I really don’t think my instructor is that good and since I haven’t lost much weight I doubt it’s working. I hate the gym”...Then because you are not your thoughts, you choose to ignore this and you go to the gym anyway and you on the treadmill feeling really good about yourself and you get thoughts like, “Wow this is so amazing. The gym is the best thing ever! I will get here at 6am tomorrow and work out for 1.5hrs” You feel refreshed and good about yourself. Suddenly your thoughts and feelings about the gym have changed from negative to positive. Do you see how you cannot trust some of your thoughts and emotions? They are so fickle they can change in a matter of minutes. Be in control of them don’t let them control you. Learn to silence your mind when its help is not needed. Sayings like “think positive” exist because it is a fact that you can choose to focus on positivity.
Over thinking brings about procrastination for it prevents you from just getting on with it. We need to adopt a just get on with it attitude and not let our mind arrest us into lack of action. Just do it!
You need to unlearn some lessons - A close friend of mine recently made me realise the power of unlearning lessons that you held true but are in actual fact untrue. You need to go back and think about some things that hold you back, things that hinder you from stepping into all that you can be. You need to go and unlearn those bad lessons and teach yourself the real truth and from now on you will believe what is true instead of the lies you have been feeding yourself for years. It is like teaching yourself a new habit, to unlearn the old one you have to practise the new way of doing things over and over again until it becomes second nature. It takes effort but it is worth it because the fulfilment of your dreams depends on it. Examples of lessons you may need to unlearn could include: “My family is just not a business type family so this entrepreneurship thing just would not suit me.” “All men are dogs” “Every girl wants me for my money” “Showing my wife that I love her is a sign of weakness”. Reflect on some of the untruths you’ve been telling yourself and start to teach yourself different lessons.



Get the fundamentals in place - There are things that are fundamental to your success that you will need to establish and put in place for you to move in the right direction. These differ from person to person so you are the only one who knows what the essentials are for your life. Write these down and ensure that you practise them. When your base, your foundation is sound then you know no matter what comes your way, you can withstand and still stand after the storm has subsided. They help you to keep your focus because they are the reasons you are doing what you do. They keep you grounded and in touch. Examples of such fundamentals are (please note these are just examples they are not instruction on how you should prioritise your life):
· Spiritual well being: reading the bible every day, saying your prayers every day
· Relationships: date night with your partner at least once a week, date with your children say every Saturday afternoon, drinks/lunch with your girls once every month etc
· Business: value for employees, customers, your business strategy, planning, high quality products, being professional etc.
Define your own fundamentals for whichever area of your life you need to and keep them in place that is practising them until they become second nature. This way if any trouble comes your way, you have the basis covered and you know who you are, what you stand for, your core will not be shaken in times of uncertainty for it will be a solid core.
Realise you are a work in progress - Important thing is don’t stop. Just keep moving forward. Learn from your mistakes. Forgive yourself and dust yourself off and try again. Remember when you know better you will definitely do better. Don’t dwell on the past, you are not your past, it’s gone you can’t change it but you can definitely change your future so keep your focus on getting yourself better.
Love knowledge - Educate yourself in the field you are interested in. Learn as much about it as possible. If that means enrolling for courses, doing a masters degree, researching on the internet, getting a mentor whichever way you need to get more knowledgeable do so. Resisting wisdom is foolish.
God’s on your side so really who can be against you? He who the Son sets free is free indeed! The devil is the Father Of Lies who comes to destroy and devour BUT the Son of Man restores, builds, heals, sets free, cheers us on, encourages us to run with what God is calling us to, takes away pain, loves us unconditionally, His loves NEVER fails, He is faithful even when we are faithless for He cannot disown Himself, He intercedes for us to God the Father, keeps and protects His promises to us. This is who you should be going to for rest, to be restored, for direction and to know which way you ought to go.
Be Blessed,
with love...tafie