feeling a little discouraged...?

A lot of positive talk is meant to help you feel so inspired and have us fully motivated to live our best lives but sometimes it is overwhelming and may have us feeling like we are not good enough. That happened to me recently after reading a series of really positive minded books; I just wondered how I could turn my life around for the better. It just seemed like a lot for one person to take and the result was that I found myself feeling discouraged. Normally if I have a feeling of being discouraged I talk myself out of it, like, “C’mon you know you can make it so stop being grouchy and get on with it” but not this time. This time I felt discouraged for days because I started wondering, “How come I seem to not get it? How come I seem to not see any changes? How come in this aspect things got worse?” With all those questions, panic set in and I starting thinking, “Oh my word what am I going to do? What makes sense for me to do next? What are other people around me doing? Wow! Their lives are always on track. I am such a failure because when people have updates on the great things they are going to do, I seem to never have any new thing really going on. There must be something wrong with me. Why can’t I just be like so and so? ”

Have you ever gone through a similar experience? Where you feel so low and question everything about yourself? If you ever have that experience, do not give into discouragement. Make a conscious decision to beat the feeling of inadequacy that will be looming over you.

Here are some things that I find useful to overcome discouragement:

A: Slow down - We are living in a world where speed is the order of the day. At times things around us change so fast, and decisions are made quickly. Many of us are not patient for anything. Most importantly we are not patient with ourselves. We do not consider that we are a work in progress. When we rush through our days and do not slow down to look at what is going on within us, we lose touch with our own dreams and desires. As a result we feel that though we are moving very fast we achieve nothing. Even when you do all you can to stay positive minded like read books, blogs, watch inspiring programs or listen to encouraging music; give yourself time to figure things out on your own. The most important thing is that you choose what is best for yourself. Sometimes when you have too many people’s voices in your head you struggle to find your own path. Slow down and search for your own truth.

I don’t know about you but when I am feeling discouraged, my mind races, thoughts (usually unpleasant ones) keep rushing to my mind and I start to feel overwhelmed. The best thing to do is to focus and breathe. Take deep breadths and follow the feeling of the air going from your nose all the way down into your lungs. Why breathe? Because if forces you to come into the present. It helps you to concentrate on what is here right now. It takes you from the world of ‘what ifs’ into the now. This is a great place to be because when you slow down you realize that at this present moment, nothing matters. All is well, you are still here. It doesn’t matter how many deep breadths you take to calm yourself down, if you need to take a 100 so be it. Do what works for you. Take time to connect with your inner self and be in touch with what is going on within. Speak words of encouragement to yourself.

B: Don’t compare your scorecard to another person’s scorecard - Discouragement usually comes as a result of comparison. When we compare our lives to other people’s lives we tend to feel like we are not doing enough to achieve certain things. I know that it is not easy to not compare because we live in a world that is fast changing. Everyday people update you on what they have done and where they have been. Then you start looking at your life and feel like a loser because you haven’t done this or gone there. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying do not get inspired by other people’s lives, by all means do that; but make sure when you look into your peer’s lives you are inspired to be a better you rather than being left feeling inadequate. The reason why it is not good to compare is because everyone has their own path. We may be from the same family, or neighbourhood, or country or continent but ultimately we are each walking our own path. And no matter how similar things may appear, they are not the same. It is ungrateful to constantly compare because you will always feel like what you have is not good enough. It takes your eyes off your goal and hinders your growth. So be very careful that you are not living your life trying to match up to what others around you are doing instead of being who you truly are.

C: Look back - Look at how far you’ve come. I am always amazed by how many challenges I have overcome. When they happened, I thought I was going to die but I didn’t, I’m still here. Take courage from your own story. Look back and see how far you have come, all the things you have achieved. How when you were going through the challenges they were the hardest thing you ever had to do but now you have mastered so many skills you never thought possible.

D: Choose not to worry - When discouraged, people tend to worry about how things will turn out. This usually leads to a cycle of discouragement, worry and then stress. Let’s consider worrying for a minute. How many of us by worrying all day long about our problems have ever changed anything? Worry is a waste of energy because it achieves nothing but stress. If we let go of the constant need to control each and every little detail about our lives we would worry less and see happier days. I just want to encourage you today to look at your challenges or desires and say, “I really desire that this works well. I have no idea how it will come together but I am open to seeing a breakthrough in whichever form it is sent to me”. I think you will be surprised how your life will change for the better if you try this approach.

E: Take a closer look at your feelings - Do not judge your feelings, acknowledge them. When the feeling of being discouraged arises do not shut it off, rather look at it and see where it is coming from. Find the source of the negative thinking. Ask yourself, “Why do I really feel discouraged?” See what answers arise in you and find the root of the problem. It maybe because you are unsatisfied about how certain things in your life are turning out. You could make a change and choose differently. When we repress our feelings especially negative ones, we harbour them and they get stronger and eventually manifest as a bigger problem such as depression, rage or hate.

F: There is light at the end of the tunnel – Always hope for the best. Even when you really cannot see the light, keep believing that you will make it because you will. Trust that things will work themselves out. They say, “Trouble aint going to be here every day even though at times it seems like it won’t go away”. Life moves in seasons. Everything will come full circle. A new season will come before you know it and you will have a new set of experiences to go through. Things will not stay this way forever, they will change. And if you go with the flow of these changes, you will have a more relaxed life than when you try to control the seasons of life.

Be Blessed

with love…fadzi