feeling a little discouraged...?

A lot of positive talk is meant to help you feel so inspired and have us fully motivated to live our best lives but sometimes it is overwhelming and may have us feeling like we are not good enough. That happened to me recently after reading a series of really positive minded books; I just wondered how I could turn my life around for the better. It just seemed like a lot for one person to take and the result was that I found myself feeling discouraged. Normally if I have a feeling of being discouraged I talk myself out of it, like, “C’mon you know you can make it so stop being grouchy and get on with it” but not this time. This time I felt discouraged for days because I started wondering, “How come I seem to not get it? How come I seem to not see any changes? How come in this aspect things got worse?” With all those questions, panic set in and I starting thinking, “Oh my word what am I going to do? What makes sense for me to do next? What are other people around me doing? Wow! Their lives are always on track. I am such a failure because when people have updates on the great things they are going to do, I seem to never have any new thing really going on. There must be something wrong with me. Why can’t I just be like so and so? ”

Have you ever gone through a similar experience? Where you feel so low and question everything about yourself? If you ever have that experience, do not give into discouragement. Make a conscious decision to beat the feeling of inadequacy that will be looming over you.

Here are some things that I find useful to overcome discouragement:

A: Slow down - We are living in a world where speed is the order of the day. At times things around us change so fast, and decisions are made quickly. Many of us are not patient for anything. Most importantly we are not patient with ourselves. We do not consider that we are a work in progress. When we rush through our days and do not slow down to look at what is going on within us, we lose touch with our own dreams and desires. As a result we feel that though we are moving very fast we achieve nothing. Even when you do all you can to stay positive minded like read books, blogs, watch inspiring programs or listen to encouraging music; give yourself time to figure things out on your own. The most important thing is that you choose what is best for yourself. Sometimes when you have too many people’s voices in your head you struggle to find your own path. Slow down and search for your own truth.

I don’t know about you but when I am feeling discouraged, my mind races, thoughts (usually unpleasant ones) keep rushing to my mind and I start to feel overwhelmed. The best thing to do is to focus and breathe. Take deep breadths and follow the feeling of the air going from your nose all the way down into your lungs. Why breathe? Because if forces you to come into the present. It helps you to concentrate on what is here right now. It takes you from the world of ‘what ifs’ into the now. This is a great place to be because when you slow down you realize that at this present moment, nothing matters. All is well, you are still here. It doesn’t matter how many deep breadths you take to calm yourself down, if you need to take a 100 so be it. Do what works for you. Take time to connect with your inner self and be in touch with what is going on within. Speak words of encouragement to yourself.

B: Don’t compare your scorecard to another person’s scorecard - Discouragement usually comes as a result of comparison. When we compare our lives to other people’s lives we tend to feel like we are not doing enough to achieve certain things. I know that it is not easy to not compare because we live in a world that is fast changing. Everyday people update you on what they have done and where they have been. Then you start looking at your life and feel like a loser because you haven’t done this or gone there. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying do not get inspired by other people’s lives, by all means do that; but make sure when you look into your peer’s lives you are inspired to be a better you rather than being left feeling inadequate. The reason why it is not good to compare is because everyone has their own path. We may be from the same family, or neighbourhood, or country or continent but ultimately we are each walking our own path. And no matter how similar things may appear, they are not the same. It is ungrateful to constantly compare because you will always feel like what you have is not good enough. It takes your eyes off your goal and hinders your growth. So be very careful that you are not living your life trying to match up to what others around you are doing instead of being who you truly are.

C: Look back - Look at how far you’ve come. I am always amazed by how many challenges I have overcome. When they happened, I thought I was going to die but I didn’t, I’m still here. Take courage from your own story. Look back and see how far you have come, all the things you have achieved. How when you were going through the challenges they were the hardest thing you ever had to do but now you have mastered so many skills you never thought possible.

D: Choose not to worry - When discouraged, people tend to worry about how things will turn out. This usually leads to a cycle of discouragement, worry and then stress. Let’s consider worrying for a minute. How many of us by worrying all day long about our problems have ever changed anything? Worry is a waste of energy because it achieves nothing but stress. If we let go of the constant need to control each and every little detail about our lives we would worry less and see happier days. I just want to encourage you today to look at your challenges or desires and say, “I really desire that this works well. I have no idea how it will come together but I am open to seeing a breakthrough in whichever form it is sent to me”. I think you will be surprised how your life will change for the better if you try this approach.

E: Take a closer look at your feelings - Do not judge your feelings, acknowledge them. When the feeling of being discouraged arises do not shut it off, rather look at it and see where it is coming from. Find the source of the negative thinking. Ask yourself, “Why do I really feel discouraged?” See what answers arise in you and find the root of the problem. It maybe because you are unsatisfied about how certain things in your life are turning out. You could make a change and choose differently. When we repress our feelings especially negative ones, we harbour them and they get stronger and eventually manifest as a bigger problem such as depression, rage or hate.

F: There is light at the end of the tunnel – Always hope for the best. Even when you really cannot see the light, keep believing that you will make it because you will. Trust that things will work themselves out. They say, “Trouble aint going to be here every day even though at times it seems like it won’t go away”. Life moves in seasons. Everything will come full circle. A new season will come before you know it and you will have a new set of experiences to go through. Things will not stay this way forever, they will change. And if you go with the flow of these changes, you will have a more relaxed life than when you try to control the seasons of life.

Be Blessed

with love…fadzi

love is all there is...

This message has been on my heart for some weeks now but I felt it was more befitting to write it at this time with all that is happening around the world. You have all seen what is happening in Japan, the loss of many lives, destruction of homes, the hurt and pain being experienced at the moment. You have seen the attacks and unrest happening in Libya and other North African countries as we speak. When I watch the news and ponder over everything that I see happening in the world today, I can’t help but realize the importance of living in love with one another and living each day to the fullest. Many times I have heard of love and its opposite which is fear. Fear I know for I have experienced it many times and I see it not just in myself but in people around me, and in nations fighting against each other. It is only recently that I got so tired of always being afraid that I started to ask what love is. I am tired of fear, how can I experience love?

I looked it up on the online dictionary and I found many definitions; some said it was a strong emotion of regard and affection but the best definition I found and would like to share with you is from a brilliant book I am reading called Conversations with God Book 3. (If you ever had any questions on the importance of life, where you fit in as an individual in this whole wide world, relationships, history, love, death, other beings, happiness, you name it, I recommend you read this series of books. It is truly enlightening and is for anyone with an open mind, limitless curiosity and a sincere desire to know the truth. It will change you, your life and the way that you view other beings – Give it a try!)
This book defines love as that which is unlimited, that which is perfectly free and unconditional.

A: Love yourself
Surely love begins at home and by this I mean love begins with loving yourself unconditionally, a truth that many human beings seem to battle with, myself included. I’m working on this but do you find that you are your own biggest critic? Judging yourself very harshly if you make a mistake, refusing to forgive yourself for doing something wrong and living in guilt most of the time? The reason why we struggle with such negative emotions is that we are failing to love ourselves unconditionally. If we did, we would never judge ourselves; never live in guilt (which cripples our progress by the way). We would think the world of ourselves and see how wonderful we are. We do not actually serve anyone or ourselves by putting ourselves down. I’m not telling you to be arrogant, I’m simply encouraging you to think well of yourself and love who you are. Here’s why I believe we should love ourselves:
1. Loving ourselves means we let ourselves be who we truly are, we feel free to live our lives to the fullest. We enjoy rather than dread life.
2. People treat you the way you treat yourself. You teach people how to treat you, and if you do not love yourself then you are teaching those around you the same. If you undervalue who you are and what you do, people will undervalue who you are too.
3. You cannot wish to have love if you are not love. Many believe that to “be something” you have to “have something” but in truth you should “be that thing” then you can “have it”. For instance, if you want to have happiness, you should be happy then you can have happiness. If you want to have love, you should be love, and then you will have love.
4. As humans we will always seek to love and be loved unconditionally. You may be the toughest person but you still desire to love others and be loved freely without judgement. It is our nature and when we experience unconditional love, we soar to great heights.

B: Love other people
We are all one. We may live in different houses, different countries across the earth, have different social backgrounds and speak different languages but we are all one. We are love by nature, and we express love to one another as a basic human instinct. Example: the minute the earthquake hit Japan, the hearts of all people across the earth went out to them. Rescuers immediately left to go over there and help out because when one nation is hurt, all nations are hurt. We are naturally good as people and you may not have noticed this or may deny it but your natural instinct is to act out of love towards other people. Fear however does take us over and makes us holdback where we should extend our love to another. We have trained ourselves so well in this department that it is becoming normal for us to turn a blind eye in cases where we need to speak up. From now on why don’t we try to always act out of love when dealing with other people? Let’s give it a go and see how much better we will be for it. Let’s not become hard hearted, let’s go back to loving others as a basic instinct regardless of nationality, age, race, or sex. I’m of the belief that what you do to another, you do to yourself. If you disrespect one person, you are disrespecting yourself, if you attack another, you are attacking yourself. When you think about this, you will see how much warmer you will be towards others for you know you are being much warmer to yourself.

C: Love unconditionally
You may have heard this time and again but what does it really mean? It means to free others to be who they are and not who you want them to be. To love unconditionally means to rejoice when those you love do things that help them to be better, to be who they are meant to be. Many a time we tend to want to control the people that we say we love. Examples may include wanting your child to be what you dream for them instead of letting them be who they are and getting upset with them when they choose a path that you do not approve of. OR Loving a friend for what they can do for you and being disappointed if they fail to meet those needs. OR Trying to change your partner into who you think they should be to better serve you instead of loving them for who they are and giving them the freedom to experience the best of themselves. OR Refusing to free yourself from the guilt you feel over things you have done in the past causing yourself to worry over nothing and in the end fail to realize your own full potential because you are so caught up over the past that you deny yourself a better future. Basically loving unconditionally involves giving unlimited freedom to yourself and those whose lives you touch to be who they really are and to celebrate yourself and them for that.

Here are certain things you can do to love yourself and others unconditionally:
1. Forgive yourself and move forward into your best self.
2. Forgive other people and free them from mistakes you believe they have done to you. Let them have a chance to move forward into who they are and not walk on egg shells around you afraid to make you unhappy.
3. Expect nothing in return, be a gift to other people and expect nothing in return. Love because you can; not because you can get something back.
4. Choose to do everything out of love, make decisions based on love and not fear – in your job, in the supermarket, when you interact with other people, when you make a life decision about anything big or small, let it be based on love and not fear.
5. Let those you love know that you love them always. They may say, “Oh you say it too much” but would you rather not say it? My mom used to tell me she loves me and is proud of me all the time. Sometimes I would be like “Oh my gosh mom, there are people around stop saying that, it’s not cool.” But when she passed away one thing I knew and still know for sure is that she loved me and was proud of me because she told me so. “I love you so much” were her last words to me. On the day of her funeral, one of my closest friends said to me, there is no doubt that woman loved you to bits and was proud of you. When I was home this past month visiting my family my aunt reminded me, “Do you know how much your mom loved you? She used to tell me all the time!” This has helped me to not wonder if she loved me or not for I know that she did.
6. Consider that love is everywhere and in different forms and shape – it’s in the brightness of the sun, it’s in the friendly guard who greats you with a big smile when you leave your home in the morning, it’s in the embrace of a good friend, it’s on the faces of little children, it’s in the whiteness of snow and in the kindest words a stranger says to you. Love is all around; you do not have to look hard for it. You didn’t leave it in your city or your country; it is there where you are.
7. Never stop loving; if you do something really horrible to someone and feel the biggest amount to guilt, never stop loving yourself; if you love another person be it a friend or partner and they never seem to love you back, never stop loving them; if you have been hurt by the things others have done to you, never stop loving because love is all there is. It takes so much energy to hate and put down other people and when you look at it, those reactions are rooted in fear. Love your enemies unconditionally and do good to those who hurt you; it is enlightening – it lightens you up. It makes you look good and young too! Fear makes you shrink into who you are not, and cripples you from moving forward but love frees you into living your best life. Love is really all there is.

Strive from today on to love unconditionally.

Be Blessed,
with love…fadzi

words of your mouth

Since our last topic was on thinking right, I thought it would be appropriate to discuss words of our mouths. Just like thoughts, words have power, creative power. Many of us are unaware of the things that we call into our lives by not watching what we say.
If you want your life to continue changing for the better, you not only need to think positively but you have to start speaking positively too. For instance do not say “I am unlucky”, or “Things usually do not work out for me” for that is what you will experience time and again. Rather start saying, “All things work together for good for me”. “I do not know how but I know the outcome of this will be great”. Think it, Believe it and Say it.

When you start to speak like this many people will be shocked, some will even think you are full of yourself but that is far from the truth. You will just be exercising your creative power to bring good things into your life. One of my dearest friends is wedding in a couple of months. A number of people have asked her how the wedding planning stress is. To this she replies “I do not have wedding planning stress”. Many people have said she is crazy but the truth is she is the most relaxed bride-to-be I have seen. She speaks positively about her wedding, and as a result she hasn’t experienced any stress, everything is falling into place for her because she refuses to speak negatively about it. She continues to say, “People, this is a stress free wedding” and thus far she doesn’t know any other experience.

Just like planning a wedding, there are many things that people believe are naturally stressful. Examples include work, relationships, following your dreams. How many times have you heard people say, “Oh this relationship is complicated, men/women are stressful”. Then when the relationships become stressful we wonder why we are so unlucky. Could it be because we spoke it into our lives?

Growing up every time I said something negative my mom would look at me and say, “Words of your mouth come true so be careful what you say”. It may sound really cliché but take a minute to look at your life or at the lives of those around you and see how powerful words are in their lives. People who are struggling in one area and can’t seem to get a breakthrough, watch them closely and listen to the words they say about their life situation. You may hear them say, “My depression never goes away”, or they may say, “Things never work out good for people like me”, or they may say, “I’m always broke”, or “I’m not good enough to do such and such a task” and guess what, it will be true! If we continue to call forth negativity, it will keep coming our way. Again I don’t know why as humans we tend to focus on the negative. In fact we tend to shun away positive minded people; we think the things they say are too good to be true. But maybe if we thought and spoke a little more positively; maybe we would catch a break. Because, in the same way we spent time saying negative things, we could use that time to speak positivity into our lives. This year I have resolved to trying positive speech because as Donald Trump says, “As long as you are thinking, you might as well think big”. As long as I am speaking, I might as well speak life. If I can spend hours speaking about how something may not work out, I could equally spend that time looking at what is positive about that situation. Think about it.

We are all a work in progress, don’t feel discouraged if you can’t seem to always be thinking and speaking positive. The most important thing is to get started. Take baby steps. In time you will see how positive speech will come naturally to you. It takes practice; it just does not happen overnight so make a conscious decision to do it daily.

I don’t know about you but I like positive speakers. I am drawn to them. They are the kind of people I like to have conversations with because they will always have something encouraging to say. Even if they don’t have an encouraging statement, they don’t leave you feeling drained of all energy as negative speakers tend to do. Check your reaction next time you have some positive news, or are looking for advice on a particular issue, see who will be the first person you will call. I can bet you it is someone that you know to be a positive minded speaker. Why? Because they encourage you to keep going after your dreams, they help you stand strong in trying times and you know you will come out of the other side much stronger because you have seen how their lives have moved from one positive season to another.

When you experience a tough time it is very hard to speak positively. A close cousin of mine was found dead in her room this last week. We have no idea what happened to her. In fact I was communicating with her a few days before she passed away and she was doing great. When I heard the news of her passing I was once again reminded of how fragile life is and how we ought to focus on what gets us to be better, more joyful, more loving, more truthful, more successful, more enlightened. When I look at her life and consider the kind of person she was, I can’t help but smile because she always spoke from a place of love. She would always go the extra mile to say an encouraging word. I admit many times I wondered how she could always be so full of positive speech. I remember her words to me were, “Sis, speak well of yourself, you are amazing, I can see that and so should you. Speak words of what you want to see happening in your life and it will come to you. How else are great things supposed to happen in your life if you do not call them to yourself?”
R.I.P Kuda. You are loved and missed beyond any words could ever express!

As I was thinking about this topic, I came across the following quotations. Check them out, I hope they will help you as much as they have helped me to have a more positive attitude towards life.

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes”. ~William James

“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes”. ~Hugh Downs

“Say you are well, or all is well with you,
And God shall hear your words and make them true”.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

“I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution”. ~Wernher von Braun

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out”. ~Art Linkletter

“I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else”. ~Winston Churchill

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful”. ~Buddha

Be Blessed,
with love…tafie